Falasteen

I was told by the first parents who raised me that I was born in a different way, to be more accurate they told me I was found in an alley that is between a mosque and a church in Palestine. I was found naked wrapped by a rag and pieces of paper puzzles shattered all over my body, and the ink of each piece of the puzzle was leaving a stamp over my skin, the words were almost wiped off, but they managed picking the pieces together though it took them 250 days, for the puzzle was long and each piece of a different language , but no one ever told me what they meant, they kept it as a secret , I don’t ask them about the puzzle anymore, for I am the type who is satisfied with one and only one answer, which it was always no!. I grew up in a normal pace, just like any child, with three sisters and a brother. I never felt like I was a burden upon my first family, my eldest sister was very passionate about cooking and baking, she used to bake me a banana cake for she knew it was my favorite, and put it in my school lunch box. I had to make sure no one takes a piece of that cake. at home it felt peaceful, whenever I lay my head into my first mother Falasteen lab, I felt like my heart beat and hers are one, united in the same body, as if I can see each beat, her heart was special as much as mine. Her heart has its own lullaby, each beat pacifies me, it was loud and clear, mine is full of heat and warmth, she used to put her hand over my heart and starts reading parts of a book I never understood, but it felt peaceful and beautiful. This is my definition for beauty and peace.  palestine-flag

I can see the shuttered pieces

Oh lord, It is killing me.

that despicable feeling, the fear of being left behind,  another black and white photograph hanged on that yellow empty part of the wall. Unnoticed, dusty over time, untouchable.

whether a friend a lover or even a stranger, never let them get the best of you. My grandmother used to tell me, whenever you think that happiness is with a person, leave him before he leaves you. I remember her stories , her smiles that were tears before but it cold stoned her heart, helpless she became, all what  is left of her are her stories, with that cold stone smile. He used to hit her I know, she knows …even he knows.

I remember the times I saw the best of my friends hurt, broken, even shuttered to pieces. God they were too young, even I. I thought I was different, I forced my pride to shout into strangers’ faces, without uttering a single word. I made this armor for myself, I reinforced it with the sad desperate plain faces of those whom I loved, I didn’t want to be next, never going to happen to me, I….will protect the beating of my heart, never let it skip a beat or fall.

Life is unexpected, I had a best friend, I still have her somewhere, not right next to me , but somewhere. I guess she faded over time, we used to be so close at school, never apart. We had each other back, I got you my friend. We grew up, still together. If you ask me what are the things that you still share, I would say memories. We are connected only because of these 6 years before memories, somehow she chose not to renew them, but to me, it seemed that I was replaced.  I became that black and white photograph on the yellow part of the wall. She visited me in my dreams, not because I can’t see her in reality, but because I’ve missed the shape of us together.,When my heart was shuttered to pieces, for that I was replaced and placed in oblivion, I saw in my face the same colors that I have seen in the faces of the ones I’ve loved….sad plain and desperate.

Love has many shapes and faces, but in each shape you will find a rock that will be thrown aiming at your heart, leaving it shuttered into pieces.

I still love you and I will always do.

She Faded

She had the words , had the pen
she choose the paper to fill her sins in
then she started from one to ten
discovered she’s not anymore her grandpa’s hind
it was lost and shall be never found
those sins sentenced her soul to grounds

This burnt chest doesn’t seem to be healing

It all exists in science

Each muscle has a logical explanation for how it works

How it functions and the strategy of each jerk

They found answers for anything they can seek

Figured out how were the existence and the extinction

Pulled out our own ideas from our heads that were always in detention

These great brains make you feel like a rotten radish stuck in the corner

What did I do to be appreciated what did I discover to change the order

One day she came to me, said her chest was burning

Didn’t give much thought of what I’ve lost when I chased behind earning

She is worried as a child his mother disappeared when on her she was leaning

Now she is on the edge whishing she would wake up whishing she was dreaming

Worries have bashed our hearts and its scars won’t be soon healing

This burnt chest’s pain has no limits has no ceiling

Came across a child with big dreamy eyes

Had the look of a demolished star

To me he was close but way too far

Seen the wounds on him seen the scars

Asked him when will you draw your smile

Said when I’m close to home when I cross that mile

When I see my land out of war

Wish I never left or walked that door

Wish in silence slept and dream of the before

The struggle

Leaning on the closet door

Trying to pick up pieces of what I’ve already tore

I’ve never thought how would it go, not now not before

Keep your mouth shut like a wrecked door, you never had the chance to keep whatever you can hold

Another chance followed by another blow.Yes,I’m a girl …But some how still unborn

Wrapped by silky strings ,they say it keeps away the stings

Let me try and judge

Let me break the crust and find the nut

Expressing myself YES, better than chocking myself in a tight dress.

Voices rush

As if the noises in our brains weren’t enough, so god created mouths with poisonous tongue for these fools.

The idea of being able to put some people in mute mode is irresistible, or in my case, I would silence the whole world. Until I silence the noises in my brain, voice after voice, then I’ll have stamina to deal with the other voices.

When you grab my chin to turn my face towards you saying “Listen to me”, “Hear me”….in both cases I won’t. It’s because of me, not you. I have the problems of the world and when I’m with you, I have the urge need to solve them, so I can listen to you, hear you whenever you talk, whenever you speak. 

Generation in a maze

It all starts on a piece of a paper

Seek inspiration forget your hater

Find your profession a teacher a leader or even a sailor

Life is a train and people’s stories are recited in a trailer

Philosophical theories surrounded us from all directions

Our minds became like a compass that guide us to one direction

One direction where we want to find the secret of perfection

Perfection wants us to step on our manners and forget about our affections

Affections make us lost and trapped just like detention

All of these complications cage our generation in deterioration

But no matter what was the result of this opaque equation

We still have this spark that will unite the nations

Look in the history and memorize its past

There were empires going up and downs

As a proof that life is mortal and nothing could last

We are intelligent creatures who should fit on this great mass

Don’t tell me about your ambition of the A class

Don’t tell me that you are willing to be another politician in mask

Reality vs. Imagination

being right beside the fireplace doesn’t seem to warm me up enough, my body is almost burning, but my fingers are freezing, can’t feel them. It’s one of these times that your brain rewinds back to the memories which you’ve never had, you wanted them so bad, sometimes you were a victim and sometimes the criminal. We choose the role which we wanna play, MAGNIFICENT!, are we the only creatures who are capable of doing this?, if we didn’t have this vast unlimited imagination, we would’ve been lost in our lame boring reality.

21

I write this while admitting am not at my best, today is the first day of my 21 year

it’s like fresh paint, beautiful and clean…but you’re still  afraid to get close and sabotage your masterpiece that took you 21 years to create it. Am I fully grown now? because I still smell the mashed potato and eggs in the morning , with the shouts of my mom telling me to get myself dressed. I don’t believe that any of us ever wanted to grow up, no one wants to get closer to the edge every year. I want that smell to remind me of myself every morning, to hear the voices I love, and to stay alive year after year.